Sunday, August 24, 2008

Coming Up and Looking Around

I can hardly believe that it's been nearly three weeks since I last posted. After I returned from the trip to Maryland and my subsequent dash to New Yorkm Liz and I spent about a week getting ready for guests, then we had Jane Scott and Amanda here for five nights, followed by Liz's sister and brother-in-law, Nancy and Ross (both visits were very pleasant but they are not my present topic.) Then I went again to NYC for an overnight trip and there were things to do after I got back. At last I have a little time to come up for air -- and settle myself internally.

Last week, I wanted to post a reflection inspired by Tobias Haller's Crumbs. Inspired by a question on the House of Bishops / Deputies list, Tobias reflects on last week's Gospel – the story of the Canaanite woman who implores Jesus to heal her daughter of a demon as told in Matthew 15:22-28. Jesus says to her “It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs,” and she replies “Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Tobias tells us that the question on the HOB/D list was basically, “Do gay and lesbian persons really mean the same thing ‘we’ do by monogamy?”

Time overtook me in two ways -- the second and most obvious is that events
overtook me and I simply didn't have enough time to write a coherent post. The
first was that as I was writing last Sunday -- August 17 -- I suddenly realized
that it would have been Rex's 82nd birthday. That realization caused me to struggle with exactly what I was going to say -- particularly on the question raised on the HOB/D list. Rex and I were a genuine couple from the time we met in November 1958 to the time of Rex's death in February 1973. We shared a household, had somewhat commingled finances, were physically intimate, attended both church and opera together, and had many shared interests. But Rex was promiscuous - I had to content myself with the thought that he was faithful to me in his fashion. Was that monogamy in the sense that the HOB/D questioner meant it?

When I first read the question, I thought it was worthy to be included among MadPriest's Homophobic Quotes of the Day. Not knowing who asked the question, I can at least say that it is grounded in a homophobic stereotype. It's worth reading Tobias' post and the conversation in the comments -- but for my part I have to say that I do not think that sexual infidelity is necessarily destructive of a marriage (same-sex or otherwise) -- and yet sexual fidelity is the ideal to which all marriages should aspire.

That was not the reflection I had intended to write -- I was going to speak about the notion of crumbs -- but that will have to wait.

It's not even the post I intended to write when I started again this week -- that, too, will have to wait.

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